Gutted

A number of years ago someone said to me that my choice to change my studies from and Internship to a full time degree was a big mistake and that it was the only chance I had at getting a job as a minister. It gutted me to hear that from him, but at least he said it to my face. For that I respected his opinion.

A trusted friend of mine shared with me some comments someone said about be behind my back which felt like someone was ripping my still beating heart out of my rib cage. They were unsure of whether to share what was said or not, but thought it better that I knew.

Regardless of whether the comments were true or not, they really hurt and I'm feeling almost physically sick. The main reason I'm so distressed by what he said is that I thought I had thicker skin than that and that the opinion of this person really didn't mean that much to me.

Moving into a new Pastoral position, I know I'm going to cop much more critical and hurtful comments from people who are much more insightful and respected than this person.

I can only pray that whatever insecurity, self doubt or shortcomings that I live with, God can keep me honest and humble enough to be at peace.

"Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen."